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bennybobw
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Name: Benjamin
State: Texas
Metro: Houston
Gender: Male
Interests: freestyle walking, yatching, miracle whip creations, ergonomic toilet design, orange peeling, plumbing, hairspray, and the metaphysics of packaging materials
Expertise: pharmocology, particle physics, ice fishing, cosmetic surgery, fibroblasts, Ghengis Khan, and pink jello (tm)
Occupation: Student
Industry: Hospitality
Message: message me
Member Since:
12/18/2004
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| Now more entries from the Captain's (b)Log. For those of you just
arriving, the Captain's (b)Log chronicles our (Blake and myself)
journey from Houston Tejas to the lovely town of Perkasie, PA. [I
hear "Perkasie" means "Place of the Chestnuts" in Leni Lenape, by the
way]. It would be great if I had all the pictures from our
journey, but as of right now I do not. We took pictures at every
State Welcome area we came across in our journey (excepting Georgia and
Pennsylvania because it was so late), as well as other photographic
delights that came our way.
Captain's (b)Log - Mile 164 - June 29th - Lousiana
Met a pack of iteinerant Europeans, making their way across the US with a program called Trek Amerika. We were happy to find them eagerly devouring some of the finest cuisine America has to offer.
A rather barbarous bunch of rogues. They leave behind the
weaker and sickly among them who are not strong enough to make the
journey, not realizing that our public healthcare and welfare systems
are not as progressive and advanced as theirs. Engaged them
briefly in customary peacable exchanges (when in Rome), but did not
give any specific information out of personal safety concerns.
Kept a wary eye on them until they departed.
Captain's (b)Log - Mile 195 - Lousiana - 3:25 pm
Near wreck right in front of our eyes. A white suburban attempts
to merge left into the space a large tow truck is already
occupying. The tow truck swerves, almost going off the
road. Their tires come within three feet of french kissing.
Captain's (b)Log - Mile 268.5 - Just Outside of Baton Rouge
We hit traffic coming through Baton Rouge at Rush Hour. It came
at the worst of times, as Blake's Bladder could hold no longer.
Stopped in what was the most luxurious truck stop on our journey thus
far. Inside, we purchase a miniature USA Road Atlas (we thought
it might be of some assistance), a pack of tridenty, and some of those
listerine flavor strips of the citrus variety. (What do you call
them? They can't be categorized! Are they gum? ... No
Candy? ...Definitely not. ... Mints? ... Close but no. ... Strange
gooey film that I am somewhat frightened by? ... Yes, and probably
carcinogenic to boot) We both agreed that citrus is the wosrt
tasting of the various flavors, and also on the fact that they use
entirely too much packaging for this product (actual "case" .5 x .5 x
.2 in, with packaging becomes a 3 x 5 x .5 in block)
Our experience in the truck stop convinced us that the governmetn has
been hiding the greatest inventions of our time in truck stop restrooms
(as already evidenced by the "Bin Laden" Condom). This time it
was the "Cologne at a Touch" machine. Directions for Use: 1)
Insert 25ยข 2) Turn the dial to your desired aroma (choices included
PoloSport and Obssession by Calvin Klein) 3) Push the pump button as
you cup your hand around the corresponding spray head....Brilliant!
Another stroke of genius? Who wants to spend time looking through
that eyesplitting chart at the back of the atlas, when you can simply
Dial-A-Distance? It's shaped like a U.S. Map. At each of
the major U.S. cities, the map has a small window cut into it.
You simply turn the dial (a circular cardboard piece which rotates
behind the map) to your city of origin (which appears at the top of the
dial). The distance to any other major U.S. city appears beside
that city in its respective window. The dial works off of the
same principle as Husker Du , if you have ever played that.
Anways, after being checked out by a working mother of four (I mean
that in the buying stuff sense, I can't comment on any other meaning of
the phrase) we got back on the road).
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| On Friday, I went up to New York, NY for a [free] concert in Central Park by Brad Mehldau
. Have a listen sometime if you haven't before. Our taxi
driver on the way from Central Park to Penn Station was making
exceedingly weird unintelligible squealing noises. (Oh if only I
had a personal memo recorder). It was great fun and you should
all be rightfully jealous.
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| A Personal Update from Benny on Life in Pennsylvania:
So far life at home hasn't been nearly as awful as I had expected it to
be, although I desperately miss all of my lovers in Houston and
Austin. I am starting a new job on Tuesday that promises to be a
giant leap up from the dreaded Furniture Store. I have started a
book club, and am "body sculpting" regularly at the Hatfield Athletic
Club (HAC). I have a personal trainer who kicks my ass once a
week. I am desperately trying to surmount my own metabolism and
take in more calories than I can burn off. I am eating larger
quantities of meat than I ever have in my life. Mantras for All
to Recall: "Looking hot and feeling hot" and "Take 'em out for a
walk."
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| Quote of the Day from George Orwell's Essay "Pleasure Spots"
The lights must never go out,
The music must always play,
Lest we should see where we are--
Lost in a haunted wood;
Children afraid of the dark
Who have never been happy or good.
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